Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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