i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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