last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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