In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
