I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
