He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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