cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
