Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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