He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
