apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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