ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".