Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.