I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship