you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies