i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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