You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
