yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
