Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
