Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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