Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
