I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
