i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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