Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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