I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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