ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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