ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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