She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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