I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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