With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
