you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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