I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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