I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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