saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
