I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
