She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
