Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
