No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
