I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
