I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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