First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
