the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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