fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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