Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
