Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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