Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
