he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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