I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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