She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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