time to smoke my breakfast
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
