You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need water and some morals
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
