dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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