he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
