I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
