plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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