Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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