What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
