i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Never joke about your clitoris.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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