fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
