Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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