dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
