Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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