Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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