Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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